Introduction

There are many couples who suffer from infertility and many suffer in silence.  I am one of those ladies who suffer quietly and try to avoid all baby situations.  I decided it was time to write about infertility as it's something I've been suffering from for many years.

Hubby and I met in 2005 and I remained a women who clearly stated she never wanted children.  It wasn't because I hated kids, no... it was due to all the young women in my life having kids so young.  I went to school with a girl who had a 2 year old son and she was 16.  So the thought of having a child so young without a partner to support me sounded terrible.  So.... I avoided getting pregnant like avoiding the black plague for years.

Every baby shower or every kid birthday party I would loudly comment how I don't want children.  I suppose it was a way for me to convince myself to not get pregnant until I had a steady partner.  When my husband proposed to me, I wasn't sure I wanted to get married.  As society teaches all of us, most marriages don't work.  So I accepted and we pushed the actual wedding as far out as possible.  We ended up getting married in 2009 and there was a switch inside me that flipped.  I knew at that moment I was ready for children.

I kept it silent for a while as I was always the girlfriend, friend or daughter that claimed she never wanted children.  Finally one afternoon I sat my husband down, in early 2010 and I expressed to him I actually do want children.  His exact words were, "I knew one day you would be ready..."  How insane he knew me better than I knew myself.  At this point, everyone around me had older children and there we were 25 years old and we were just then thinking of having kids.

I continued to keep my true feelings about children to myself to prevent any heartache I would feel from friends or family's negative comments.  I didn't want to hear, "I told you so..." as every time I would mention I didn't want to be a mother someone in the circle would comment, "You watch... one day you'll want one..." And though it wasn't pride that forced me to not open up about my desire for a child but more so I just wasn't ready to hear the dreaded, "I told you...".

I thought it was going to be so easy.... I really did.  I assumed the first time I had sex without a condom or some form of birth control- POOF, I'd be pregnant... Nope.  They really need to change that in sex ed classes because obviously there is only a 5 day window in a month to get pregnant.  It's incredible how difficult it is to get pregnant even without any issues.  Either way, it wasn't happening for my husband and I.

So I am breaking the silence on infertility.  I am 28 years old, soon to be 29, and I suffer from infertility.  Do not assume because someone doesn't have children or talks about waiting for the right time means they hate children.  Maybe they're like me and suffer from infertility.