It's fairly common when struggling through infertility whether you're diagnosed or not, to hear very insensitive comments regarding trying to conceive (TTC). You always feel like you've heard it all and at one point you're so tired of hearing the same comments it starts to hurt. I remember telling my sister at one point that I didn't want to hear, "Relax, don't stress so much it will happen...". After years of TTC and never getting remotely a faint positive or anything, it was nearly impossible to not stress or worry.
Even after I went to the doctor and discovered I would have never been able to conceive naturally, I continued to receive the same comments and though they felt it was supportive to tell me to: relax, don't stress, god will bless me with a child when he sees we're ready, stop charting, have lots of sex or even maybe you're not ready that's why it isn't happening; it wasn't. None of them were supportive or helpful one bit and I don't think people really realize how hurtful their comments could be.
No matter what you're personal situation with infertility may be, it is never easy going through this struggle and being invited to birthdays or baby showers becomes harder and harder for us to attend as it's a blatant sight that what we want is much harder for us to gain. At one point, I've been considered a person who dislikes children which is so hard to hear and brings me to tears whenever I hear a comment in this direction. Those of us who struggle with infertility do not hate children and those who assume couples without children do are being very hurtful.
Regardless if the invites to birthdays and baby showers subside, the constant reminder of lacking the one thing you want is always present in: grocery stores, movie theaters, around holidays, mother's day, father's day and general association with the general population. Two years into my infertility journey forced me to delete my facebook account. I emotionally couldn't handle another pregnancy announcement or anything that involved getting pregnant or raising a child. Many see this as selfish but it was something I had to do for myself.
Even after my facebook ceased to exist, I was still receiving updates on family member's children or pregnancy announcements. I can recall getting a phone call from a distant cousin who announced she was pregnant. The conversation took a turn when she mentioned, "I know you and you're husband have been trying which is why I waited so long to tell you... how is that going by the way?". None of this was supportive or helpful in anyway. When I got off the phone that day, I cried to my husband for hours.
And finally when her child was born, she texted me a birth picture announcement and when I responded "congrats" I heard nothing back which of course forced me to question whether she understood how sensitive this subject was for me.
I honestly don't think many people in our lives or in this world really consider what effect they have on others. Their comments and actions become so insensitive to us that we begin to build a wall and we stop talking about our struggles and worries. If you have a friend or family member who is childless, please do not assume they don't want children. Feel free to ask them once if they have a child or want children but remember that many couples (1 in 8) suffer from infertility issues and the subject is socially taught to be shameful.
#TTC #infertility #insensitive
No comments:
Post a Comment