Since I last wrote on this blog, a lot has happened. For one I feel more knowledgeable regarding infertility and the process of getting pregnant. A quick update as far as what went on in 2014. The last post I wrote was about being referred to a fertility specialist (FS). I ended up cancelling my appointment with them as I was starting to receive all these bills for the surgery I had in 2013. I briefly touched based about my surgery in the “infertility story” post. Here’s what occurred in 2014 and first off I’d like to say I didn’t forget about this blog, I just got distracted as usual.
In January I was referred to a FS which I cancelled the appointment a week before I was scheduled to go. I started doing more research about how the body becomes pregnant and googling my symptoms (sx) more. I came across few blogs, articles, post or even vlogs where my experience matched others. Still, occasionally if I googled one sx I would come across an forum where tons of women were experiencing my one sx. I was having mid cycle bleeding/spotting in my last half of my cycles. I was not getting pos opks and I was continuing Basel body temping (bbt charting).
I came across a forum where a women shared her experience with a supplement called “Symplex F”. I was initially very intrigued to try the supplement although no vitamin store in town stocked it. I began looking elsewhere as you can imagine and came across the supplement on Amazon. I purchased it and received it in March of 2014 where I started 3 pills a day. In may I experienced my first “normal” cycle ever in my life. Here’s how my last 7 cycles have gone since April of 2014.
Apr/May= 40 day cycle w/ pos opk and confirmed O on cd 23. *I was ecstatic when I received the pos opk. I took maybe 20 in the span of 24 hrs lol. But the excitement quickly faded each passing day when I received BFN after BFN and then af started.
May/Jul= 38 day cycle w/ pos opk cd 26, confirmed O on cd 29. *When the cycle started I was excited to finally be able to stop and start a “flow” and complete a cycle. I continued to take the supplements and at this point it I was taking them for 4 months. Again the excitement faded with each passing BFN and then an “early” af.
July/Aug= 35 day cycle w/ pos opk on cd27 and confirmed O on cd 29. *I was shocked when I ovulated on the same day. I was even more shocked when af came after only a 35 day cycle. How depressing. I began reading information online once again and determined that you should only take supplements for at the most 3 months or you may adapt to them and cause further issues. I was too scared to stop them though and instead I began taking maca root. I didn’t even have a chance to test for pregnancy that cycle but silly me and reading the conflicting stories of women having “early” afs in early pregnancy I tested until my af stopped on the following cd 7.
Aug/Sept= 39 day cycle w/ pos opk 27 and 28! Confirmed O on cd 29. *I was thrilled the maca seemed to be working. Again oing on the same cd as the previous 2 cycles but just as the previous months my excitement soon became dread when I began spotting on cd 29-cd31. I began reading more information online about spotting around ovulation and noticed that every site/blog/article claimed it was a good thing to spot during O as it shows a “strong ovulation” (their words not mine). Of course the thrill of thinking I O’d big time quickly faded as everything else had when the spotting returned on cd 35 and I spotted until af showed. I assumed I needed to use progesterone cream and decided I would try to go without the supplements. So I stopped them all but the prenatal.
Sept/Nov= 47 day cycle w/ pos opk 18/19 and confirmed O on cd 19. *I thought for sure I was pregnant this cycle. I did use the progesterone cream from cd 22-36. When af didn’t show I began testing like a mad women. I feared stopping the progesterone was a bad idea but I stuck to my guns and decided if I got a pos hpt I would start using it again. I tested every morning from cd 31-47. Spotting did begin on cd 38 but again all those conflicting stories of women having a what they thought was a period was a sign of pregnancy. However, a 100 negative tests later and my flow still had not started. I was beyond frustrated and the morning of what would have been cd 48 I started a “flow” and knew af was here.
Nov/Dec= 37 day cycle w/ suspected O on cd 22. *I was so heartbroken by the previous cycle that I completely stopped temping, testing w/ opks and taking the supplements. I cried for about 2 weeks until I thought, “What if this would be the cycle I could conceive and have a normal cycle?”… so with that I started temping again. It was too late to use opks as I buy them online so I order a bundle that wouldn’t arrive until mid Dec. I received the temp rise on cd 22 and temped for the next 3 days where my temp stated elevated. I stopped temping at that point and when I was around 5 dpo I started lightly spotting brown. It was the first time I suspected implantation in my entire TTC journey. I began to get excited which quickly faded as typical when the spotting didn’t stop and my “flow” began on what would have been cd 38.
Dec/Jan= 35 day cycle w/ pos opk on cd 26-28, FF gives me CH on cd 26? *I was happy again when I received the pos opk on cd 26 but once again I experienced some spotting on cd 28 which triggered me to test again with an opk to see what was going on and that’s why there is a split from cd 26-28 where I tested. I started using progesterone cream again on cd 29. The spotted didn’t stop. At times it seemed to let up but ultimately it never stopped until I woke up to a flow on what would have been cd 36. So another bust.
Jan/Feb= I am still on this cycle. All I can say at this point is I am on cd 3 and I have discovered a new supplement licorice root. There was hardly any information out there on this supplement aside from having estrogen and progesterone balancing assistance. I will write a separate posts for all these supplements I have tired but I’m just hoping my cycle becomes normal. I am now nearly 30 and still ttc #1. I have no idea how much longer this journey is going to take me and I am nowhere near ready to give up. I am in the process of finding a new doctor but I am hesitant as I don’t want my weight and hx to be pushed in my face as my issue at hand.
Let’s not give up ladies.
Friday, January 16, 2015
What happened in 2014?
Monday, January 20, 2014
I've been referred to a fertility specialist
I suppose there's always that fear that the Dr. won't be able to help you. That utter moment when they call you to inform you they've decided to refer you to a specialist. Yep, that happened to me today. At first I was somewhat expecting it seeing how Clomid wasn't making me ovulate whatsoever. The bottom line is it still hurt. It hurts to know that the Dr. has done everything they think would work for you.
There is a bitter sweetness however, that comes with knowing you're going to a specialist. Either way it's something we all dread in the beginning but after years of trying and 3 rounds of Clomid you're willing to try anything.
Everything I keep reading told me to call right away and make an appointment. So I did. I called today and wasn't able to get in until a month from now. That's a tad bit frustrating seeing how I assume I will be 2 cycles later before I even get to meet with the specialist. I wish I would have called months ago but how was I to know who they would refer me to?
I am trying to remain calm and honest with myself. I keep telling myself that it's going to be months further before I get to try the next fertility treatment. My dreams of having a baby this month have been stomped on due to my CD 21 draw that proved Clomid is not working for me. It never was and I have to accept that.
Monday, October 21, 2013
How do you chart BBT or basal body temperature?
I charted for 2 years and used fertilityfriend.com to chart. I've received many questions regarding how to chart and even pictures of people's charts asking for my opinion. This post will be about the basics of how to chart your BBT.
After you set up an account on fertilityfriend.com (or whatever method or site you choose), you want to start immediately putting in any back information you may have. If you've been keeping track of when your AF (aunt flow) has started and stopped previously, enter all that information in without entering a temp so the site can gather previous information which in turn will help with your current cycle.
When do you take your temp? You want to be quite strict when you take your temp. Most women take their temp when they wake up in the morning. The bottom line is you have to have 4 hours of consecutive sleep before you take your temp. It should be taken at the same time everyday or you will develop open circles in your chart which will alter your ovulation date. You can temp vaginally or orally however, you must have a thermometer that says "basal body thermometer", they do sell one at walgreens and walmart.
It's not very important to temp during your menstruation although getting into the routine of temping every day is extremely helpful. Charting your cervical mucus (CM) is very helpful as you must have 2 charted signs (temperature, CM, OPK, Mon or cervical position) in order for FF (fertility friend) to recognize an ovulation date.
If you are gearing up to ovulate, you may receive a positive OPK (ovulation test) or a dip in your temperature which means your temp will drop however; FF will not give you cross hairs (CH) until your temp then rises and continues to rise for three consecutive days. This is where many women get confused and question whether the site is working for you or not. Have faith that FF is calculating your cycle and a good rule of thumb is to "do the deed" every other day and especially if your temp drops.
It is common after FF gives a women CH that a few days into a rising temp there will be another dip, do not panic as this is also common and is the result of our constant fluctuating hormones.
Those are the basics to how to chart BBT and I hope this was helpful to those who are wanting to chart or have questions. If you are TTC actively please remember to start taking a prenatal vitamin as folic acid is important in the month prior to conceiving and the first trimester of any pregnancy. Tips to conceive faster are to cut out caffeine and to quit smoking. Remember they advise women under 30 to try for a year before seeking medical help and women over 30 to try for 6 months before seeking medical help.
Insensitive comments or actions regarding infertility
Even after I went to the doctor and discovered I would have never been able to conceive naturally, I continued to receive the same comments and though they felt it was supportive to tell me to: relax, don't stress, god will bless me with a child when he sees we're ready, stop charting, have lots of sex or even maybe you're not ready that's why it isn't happening; it wasn't. None of them were supportive or helpful one bit and I don't think people really realize how hurtful their comments could be.
No matter what you're personal situation with infertility may be, it is never easy going through this struggle and being invited to birthdays or baby showers becomes harder and harder for us to attend as it's a blatant sight that what we want is much harder for us to gain. At one point, I've been considered a person who dislikes children which is so hard to hear and brings me to tears whenever I hear a comment in this direction. Those of us who struggle with infertility do not hate children and those who assume couples without children do are being very hurtful.
Regardless if the invites to birthdays and baby showers subside, the constant reminder of lacking the one thing you want is always present in: grocery stores, movie theaters, around holidays, mother's day, father's day and general association with the general population. Two years into my infertility journey forced me to delete my facebook account. I emotionally couldn't handle another pregnancy announcement or anything that involved getting pregnant or raising a child. Many see this as selfish but it was something I had to do for myself.
Even after my facebook ceased to exist, I was still receiving updates on family member's children or pregnancy announcements. I can recall getting a phone call from a distant cousin who announced she was pregnant. The conversation took a turn when she mentioned, "I know you and you're husband have been trying which is why I waited so long to tell you... how is that going by the way?". None of this was supportive or helpful in anyway. When I got off the phone that day, I cried to my husband for hours.
And finally when her child was born, she texted me a birth picture announcement and when I responded "congrats" I heard nothing back which of course forced me to question whether she understood how sensitive this subject was for me.
I honestly don't think many people in our lives or in this world really consider what effect they have on others. Their comments and actions become so insensitive to us that we begin to build a wall and we stop talking about our struggles and worries. If you have a friend or family member who is childless, please do not assume they don't want children. Feel free to ask them once if they have a child or want children but remember that many couples (1 in 8) suffer from infertility issues and the subject is socially taught to be shameful.
#TTC #infertility #insensitive
Sunday, October 20, 2013
My infertility story
In my introduction I mention I met my husband in 2005 and we married at the end of 2009 and finally talked about children in early 2010. So here is my infertility story from that moment on until now.
We casually tried for a child for several months. We weren't "actively" trying but we weren't preventing it. And since my periods were so abnormal (I would be on my period for several weeks or months and then not have a period for several months), I never knew when to try. Every time I wasn't on my period, we "did the deed".
It wasn't long before I found myself researching my abnormal periods and I couldn't find one blog, one forum or one comment that expressed a similar story. So to clarify, my irregular periods were so bad, I was all over the place from: bleeding for several months straight, lightly bleeding for weeks, bleeding heavy for a week, not having a period for months. My periods were never the same twice and I never went long before I would bleed so heavy I wouldn't want to leave my home.
So I decided to try Vitex to help regulate my period. I tried 3 months and it did nothing. I then heard about Soy Iso where it could help you ovulate. I took it for 2 cycles (one that was 21 days long and the next was 36 days long). I finally decided to see my doctor in late 2010. She did the pap smear, a biopsy, a trans-vaginal ultrasound and a full blood work that stated everything was fine although my progesterone was low.
early 2011- I discovered fertilityfriend.com and started tracking my cycles.
Mid 2011 - I had six months of charted periods and realized I still hadn't had the same cycle twice.
End of 2011 - I went back to the doctor and had proof this time about my cycles. All the same test were performed and all came back fine. Doctor wanted me to try a month of birth control to try to regulate my period.
Early 2012 - birth control did nothing for me, aside from stretch out the bleeding from 1 month to 2 months.
Mid 2012 - I decided to try ovulation tests to see if I was ovulating. I never got one positive opk.
End of 2012 - I went back to the doctor who did all the same tests again. At this point I was tested for PCOS or Endo 3 times and was told 3 times I didn't have either. This time my doctor stated she thinks I have a polyp. It was suggested then I have surgery to remove them.
Early 2013 - I was in denial I needed surgery and I fell into a depression state.
Mid 2013 - the doctor continued to call me once a week to say I needed surgery. I finally scheduled it for August. I had the surgery and indeed they found a handful of polyps, a uterine growth and a cyst constricting my left fallopian tube.
End 2013 (this is where I'm at now) - 2 1/2 months after surgery and I still am having irregular cycles.
I feel so hopeless and so fragile. On Oct 10, I passed a gray matter of tissue. I immediately called the doctor who wanted to do another ultrasound. The next day I started bleeding heavy. I did the ultrasound and received the results the next day. The nurse explained that everything looked well and that they think I passed a polyp. I was speechless. I thought I just had surgery that repaired this issue. She also stated I should stop bleeding by day 7 and low and behold she was right. Now I have no idea where I stand. I only wish my period would regulate itself.
To those who have infertility issues and you're reading this... I hope you don't feel alone. Through this entire process one thing that has helped me greatly was reading other women's infertility stories. Knowing that no two women are the same helped me immensely.
Introduction
Hubby and I met in 2005 and I remained a women who clearly stated she never wanted children. It wasn't because I hated kids, no... it was due to all the young women in my life having kids so young. I went to school with a girl who had a 2 year old son and she was 16. So the thought of having a child so young without a partner to support me sounded terrible. So.... I avoided getting pregnant like avoiding the black plague for years.
Every baby shower or every kid birthday party I would loudly comment how I don't want children. I suppose it was a way for me to convince myself to not get pregnant until I had a steady partner. When my husband proposed to me, I wasn't sure I wanted to get married. As society teaches all of us, most marriages don't work. So I accepted and we pushed the actual wedding as far out as possible. We ended up getting married in 2009 and there was a switch inside me that flipped. I knew at that moment I was ready for children.
I kept it silent for a while as I was always the girlfriend, friend or daughter that claimed she never wanted children. Finally one afternoon I sat my husband down, in early 2010 and I expressed to him I actually do want children. His exact words were, "I knew one day you would be ready..." How insane he knew me better than I knew myself. At this point, everyone around me had older children and there we were 25 years old and we were just then thinking of having kids.
I continued to keep my true feelings about children to myself to prevent any heartache I would feel from friends or family's negative comments. I didn't want to hear, "I told you so..." as every time I would mention I didn't want to be a mother someone in the circle would comment, "You watch... one day you'll want one..." And though it wasn't pride that forced me to not open up about my desire for a child but more so I just wasn't ready to hear the dreaded, "I told you...".
I thought it was going to be so easy.... I really did. I assumed the first time I had sex without a condom or some form of birth control- POOF, I'd be pregnant... Nope. They really need to change that in sex ed classes because obviously there is only a 5 day window in a month to get pregnant. It's incredible how difficult it is to get pregnant even without any issues. Either way, it wasn't happening for my husband and I.
So I am breaking the silence on infertility. I am 28 years old, soon to be 29, and I suffer from infertility. Do not assume because someone doesn't have children or talks about waiting for the right time means they hate children. Maybe they're like me and suffer from infertility.